Sharing my heart.
I must share what is on my heart. Not knowing all of my readers personally I am going to share something deeply personal. I am broken, a sinner, depraved. I am not just realizing it but being reminded of it more lately. I have been living in fear. Fear, you say? Yes, fear of the world, fear of what people think of me, fear of disappointing. The last 3 months have been very difficult for me. I am not sure exactly why. When I went back to work in November with 2 kids under 2 and a laundry list of do to's with my life professionally I think my worlds collided. My expectations vs. the reality of my life to date is at odds. I had coffee with one of my only friends, who is a working mom. She isn't just working for a paycheck but is career minded. She told me that after realizing what it was going to take to get to where she wanted to go professionally she would have to sacrifice…a lot. She was fairly certain that after seeing what it was going to take she did not want it quiet that badly anymore.
Turning a corner.
Normally moving in a new direction is hard. It requires us to change. My husband has been trying to "move on" from his current job for years now. It just hasn't happened yet. I ask God why and pray that he would deliver him to a new challenge. Lately I have been praying that for myself too. Asking God for new direction and a "new challenge" - relating to work. * It's not like I need more challenges. But I have realized that I am striving. Not resting in Christ but discontent. I am asking God for help in turning a corner with this. I don't want to strive but to rest. To do what is in front of me…well and for His glory.
Life is short. I know it in my heart but sometimes not in my head. I need to stop. Enjoy each minute. Stop being so busy all the time and realize the gifts God has given me now. To do otherwise, is foolish.
Moving Forward.
I know I will not change overnight. But I want to change. My focus needs a refocus. My life needs to hit the pause button. Blogging has been really hard for me lately. Maybe a waste of time? I started blogging and sharing the photo journal of our lives to be in touch with family. I don't even know if those I blog for, visit. But I plan to be more genuine in the future with the hopes that it will bless you. I need encouragement in my quest. I don't let my guard down much at all. Because I "live in fear". But in moving forward I will not cling to this fear anymore but share, love and be generous.
2 Timothy 1:7
For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.
